


we're lost and found

by gothdolly



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flight Attendants, Flying, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Medical Conditions, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 17:10:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20660762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothdolly/pseuds/gothdolly
Summary: There stood Connor McKinley, still as lanky and pale as he was in Uganda. His flight attendant uniform lay on his thin frame, eerily similar to their required missionary clothing. The only distinguishable differences were the colour of his tie and that he wore a simple white name tag with his wings as opposed to the church issued one.“Is that-“ Arnold began to ask before being cut off by a harsh stare from Kevin.He felt his heart beginning to race. It was almost three years since they’d been on their mission.Three years since Connor had broken up with Kevin at the airport five minutes before his flight back to Salt Lake City began boarding.Three years since any of the District 9 missionaries had heard from Connor.Suddenly, Arnold’s constant chatter was no longer Kevin’s biggest worry.





	we're lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> title is from wings by birdy  
there isn't really any trigger warnings for this! just tiny mentions of the things in the tags!

It took approximately three minutes of Arnold’s incessant rambling for Kevin to realize that the next twenty hours were about to be hell.

“I just can’t wait to see Neutrogena again! Maybe she’ll come back with us? Do you think she will? Oh crap! I think I forgot that necklace,” Arnold gushed.

Kevin emitted a groan, contemplating seducing a flight attendant to be moved to business class or somewhere away from his best friend.

“It’s in the blue bag in my suitcase, pal. We went over this, if you’d put it in yours then you’d have lost it,” the taller man replied with a sigh.

“Oh yeah! Thanks, Kevin!”

With that, Arnold turned to stare at the ground from the small window.

They were sat side by side; Arnold next to the window and strewn across both his and Kevin’s seats with a plethora of unnecessary snacks and an ear-splitting grin while Kevin uncomfortably sat in the middle clutching a book and the earphones that he was desperate to use.

“Wait! What about-“ Arnold started.

Kevin decided that he’d had enough for the moment. He could usually handle Arnold but they hadn’t even taken off yet and his head was already beginning to ache.

“Look, buddy. Uganda is a long way away and we have the entire flight to talk but how about we just sit back and relax for now?” Kevin said calmly, desperate to not begin losing it.

Arnold merely nodded in understanding and stuffed a handful of M&Ms in his mouth.

Kevin sat back and dove into his medical journal without another word.

A mere paragraph into a particularly fascinating article about advances in immunotherapy, the boy’s reading was interrupted by a loud ding and flashing seatbelt light.

Reaching over, he buckled the seatbelt. While tightening the strap, he noticed that Arnold had miraculously already fallen asleep.

Not wanting to wake him for reasons of Kevin’s own personal gain, he leaned over and began to do the seatbelt up as an announcement reeled over the intercom.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Today’s flight from New York City, USA to Kampala, Uganda is scheduled to take twenty hours and arrive at approximately 7:40pm EAT. Please ensure that your seatbelts are buckled, tray tables and seats are up, and your phones are on aeroplane mode. Please refer to your closest cabin crew member for a safety demonstration. Have a nice flight and thank you for flying American Airlines!”

Deciding to wake Arnold up, Kevin couldn’t help but laugh at his already disorientated state.

Sitting back straight up, Kevin let his eyes search for the mentioned cabin crew member before completely freezing up upon the completion of his hunt.

There stood Connor McKinley, still as tall and pale as he was in Uganda. His flight attendant uniform lay on his thin frame, eerily similar to their required missionary clothing. The only distinguishable differences were the colour of his tie and that he wore a simple white name tag with his wings as opposed to the church issued one.

“Is that-“ Arnold began to ask before being cut off by a harsh stare from Kevin.

He felt his heart beginning to race. It was almost three years since they’d been on their mission.

Three years since Connor had broken up with Kevin at the airport, five minutes before his flight back to Salt Lake City began boarding.

Three years since any of the District 9 missionaries had heard from Connor.

Suddenly, Arnold’s constant chatter was no longer Kevin’s biggest worry.

Kevin felt the butterflies in his stomach as he watched Connor put down the bright orange lifejacket that almost matched his hair and began walking up and down the aisle to ensure that everybody was abiding by the airline’s rules.

As the boy got closer to the back row that Kevin and Arnold were sat, he realized that he still had no idea what to do.

“Long time no see,” left Kevin’s mouth before he had time to properly decide on the course of action he wanted to take.

He observed the realization on Connor’s face before he even looked up.

“Kevin? I-“ the redhead stuttered.

“Me too!” Arnold replied, obviously unsure of how to act in this situation.

“Arnold? It’s been so long,” Connor started.

Kevin felt his anger boiling up. The boy had broken up with him and made no effort to contact anybody but was acting like he’d done nothing wrong? Kevin wouldn’t put up with that.

“Well, who’s fault is that? I actually made an effort with you,” he said before whispering the next part. “I actually thought you loved me.”

Connor’s mouth dropped open, he sat opening and closing it for a few seconds while a visibly uncomfortable Arnold looked down at his comics.

“Excuse me, I need to do my job.”

With that, Kevin stared at the back of Connor’s head as he literally sashayed towards the crew station.

He willed the tears in his eyes to dissipate as he forced himself to sleep, at least that way he wouldn’t have to see the boy who broke him.

Who abandoned him.

Who he was_ ashamedly still in love with._

Kevin sat in his seat, watching Connor sympathetically help clean up a small child who had suffered from travel sickness. He was so reminded of the man that he knew from their mission, who’d help out with whoever and whatever he could.

He was reminded of the man that he fell in love with.

For somebody who had caused Kevin so many years and degrees of pain, surely he would resent Connor, or at least dislike him. 

Instead, Kevin found himself so continuously infatuated with him. He was impossible to abhor him.

He felt a sort of bitterness towards him for hurting him but looked at the situation with nothing more than sadness and ignored feelings.

Decidedly, that hurt so much worse. 

“Fish or lasagna?” Connor asked, the cheery demeanor he’d been using for the other passengers falling as he reached his old friends.

Kevin grunted while Arnold sighed. “Lasagna for the both of us.”

He served the meals before pausing for a suspicious amount of time.

“Kevin?” Connor said, cautiously.

“What?” the boy replied, his voice blunt and clearly annoyed.

“Uh,” he paused once again. “Would you like drinks? We have juice, soft drinks, coffee-“

“I’ll have a black coffee,” Kevin replied instantly.

Connor’s eyes widened before he hummed in approval. “I see you’ve left the church.”

In lieu of a response, Kevin looked away, merely holding out his hand and waiting to feel the warm beverage.

“What flavors of juice do you have?” Arnold asked.

He sculled his coffee and scarfed down the food, while his companion picked out a flavor of drink.

It was going smoothly until Kevin made the mistake of looking at him as he took his rubbish.

One look into those eyes, those piercing eyes, and Kevin realized just how big a mistake he’d made.

Three years of repressed feelings and late-night breakdowns, of wishes made on birthday candles and wells, of therapy sessions and suicide attempts.

Three years of trying to forget Connor and failing miserably.

After three years of Connor ignoring him, Kevin was determined to last just another fourteen hours. It would just be harder than previously anticipated.

Despite hopes that the flight attendants would change on their stop-over, Kevin had dealt with Connor’s presence for sixteen hours and was desperate for it to end.

He’d cycled through every emotion, from anger to sadness to finally just being happy that he had confirmation that Connor was actually alive.

With more wordless meals and beverages, their flight was coming to an end and Kevin had made the decision that he’d be better off not talking to Connor again.

So, he immersed himself in conversation with Arnold. The pain of his best friend’s thirteen-minute Star Wars monologue at least served as a distraction.

That wasn’t to say that he wasn’t actively looking for any other form of entertainment.

Finally, he got what he wished for.

Connor and his fellow flight attendants had pulled closed every curtain on the plane and were now engaged in a deep and panicked conversation at the flight attendants station.

Passengers of the plane craned their necks to get an idea of what was going on, Kevin included. Though, trying not to get distracted by how attractive Connor looked was proving to be impossible.

They quickly pulled apart and Connor sped up to the intercom.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a medical emergency. Are there any healthcare professionals on board?”

His query was met with curious chatter amongst passengers, everybody desperate to find out what was happening.

Kevin glanced around and noticed that nobody volunteered, the cabin crew grew progressively more nervous.

He sighed and stood up. “I’m a third-year medical student.”

Relief flashed across Connor’s face. For a second, it seemed as if he had completely forgotten about their troubles. Seeing him happy at Kevin’s presence was a welcome change.

He practically sprinted towards Kevin’s seat, his co-workers looking equally relieved.

“Thank Heavenly Father! Follow me,” he exclaimed, clearly panicked.

He began running towards the front of the plane, Kevin following closely behind.

He’d be lucky if he could attend to this patient without Connor giving him a heart attack.

They raced through the aisles and up to business class, to find an elderly man surrounded by flight attendants.

Kevin stood back and assessed the condition. The man lay unconscious on the ground, bleeding profusely from his head. He lay in recovery position with a crew member aimlessly holding gauze to his open wound.

“What happened?” Kevin asked, already snapping on a pair of gloves and digging through the plane’s limited first aid kit.

The terrified flight attendant holding the bloody gauze responded. “He started seizing but hit his head on the way down and knocked himself out.”

Kevin almost laughed at how scared she sounded, but instead focused on the patient’s vitals.

His pulse was steady despite his state of consciousness and all other areas of concern were in the clear.

He began to assess the wound, it wasn’t deep and could be treated with ease.

Kevin looked at Connor and nodded at the first aid kit. “Get me Steri-Strips, saline, more gauze, and cotton.”

He obliged quickly, any lingering awkwardness temporarily forgotten. He passed the items to Kevin who immediately took the saline and cotton.

“Hold his head still,” Kevin instructed.

Connor did exactly what he was told and before long the wound had been cleaned and the man was stable and conscious. 

After a chorus of praise from passengers and cabin crew members alike, Kevin turned to walk away, forcing a smile at Connor. “You’re a natural.”

Kevin made his way to the flight attendants station, removing his bloody gloves and violently scrubbing at his hands with soap and lukewarm water.

“Thank you for helping out,” Connor said, appearing behind Kevin. “You did good.”

Kevin paused, turning around to face his ex-lover.

Trying not to let his feelings take over, he opened his mouth with the intention to thank the man and leave without another word.

“Why’d you do it? Why’d you leave us? _Why’d you leave me?_” Kevin said, finally giving in to the harbored feelings and questions that’d consumed his mind.

Connor’s mouth opened and closed again, leaving Kevin with the expectation of more unanswered questions.

Instead he looked down sadly and began his explanation. “I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. Being with you was the time of my life but after how hard they tried to fix me, I couldn’t let them down.”

“Well look at how well that turned out for you,” Kevin scoffed.

Connor’s expression somehow becomes more pained.

“Do you know what it’s like? I went back to treatment but it turns out, I’m too far gone. I’ll never be normal, I’ll never be the good Mormon boy that I need to be,” his voice lowers. “What else is left to do aside from embrace it?”

Despite his explanation, Kevin couldn’t get over his bitterness.

“You could’ve told me that three years ago,” he started, his voice painfully close to breaking. “Do you know how long I spent hating myself? Wondering where I went wrong?”

He paused, unable to get words out due to the tears now freely flowing down his face.

“You were the first person I ever opened up to like that, the first man that I ever loved. You shattered me and I don’t think that I’ll ever be whole again, Connor.”

Kevin looked up, a blabbering mess only to notice Connor in a similar predicament.

Throwing down his towel, he turned and began to make his way out of the station before an icy cold hand yanked on his wrist and pulled him back in.

“I never got over you, Kevin. People don’t go through what we went through and magically fall out of love,” Connor stated, tears streaming down his pale face.

The way they looked at each other, standing so close and so obviously in love, felt like the last months of their mission all over again.

Suddenly, Kevin realized that he finally had somebody who had gone through what he had. Not a therapist or a friend pretending to understand, somebody who actually knew what it felt like.

“How did you deal? How’d you get through this all?” Kevin asked, his voice soft.

Connor looked up, his eyes filled with pain as he clearly came to the same realization as Kevin.

“I didn’t, I thought conversion therapy would help me forget you,” he cut himself off, taking a deep breath. “I threw myself into my work. If I wasn’t working, I’d be drunk and having one night stands. I didn’t give myself time to think about you or our mission.”

Kevin felt his heart break just a bit more as he reached out and took Connor’s hands in his own.

“How did you cope?” Connor asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“I didn’t either,” Kevin started, averting his eyes to his scarred wrists. “It was that, then pills, and now I just study until I can’t think straight.”

The two stared at each other in silence, both processing this newfound information.

Eventually, Connor broke the silence. “Can I hug you?”

Kevin choked up again and practically threw himself into Connor’s arms.

“I missed you,” the pale boy whispered into Kevin’s ear.

“I missed you too.”

After what felt like an eternity, the Pilot announced that their decent to Uganda was commencing and for everybody to return to their seats.

Stepping back, they kept their hands together.

“Are we okay?” Connor asked.

Kevin shook his head. “Not yet, three years of suffering aren’t going to be erased in ten minutes.”

Connor merely nodded, obviously disappointed but understanding of his situation.

They made their way back to their respective seats, hand in hand.

Kevin sat back down next to Arnold, wordlessly, a blush and tear-tracks still evident.

“What happened? Did somebody die? Are you and Connor in love again?” Arnold asked, barely able to contain himself.

He smiled and buckled his seatbelt, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

For the first time in three years, Kevin felt the seemingly never-ending weight upon his shoulders dissipate.

He was beyond excited for whatever the future held for him and Connor, no matter how long it ‘d take to build back up what they’d had.

“Buddy, just go. You’ll miss the bus if you keep trying to convince me,” Kevin remarked with a laugh.

“Fine! Please don’t leave me for him,” Arnold said, running towards the bus that would take him to Nabulungi’s village.

They’d landed, made their way through Uganda’s eerily lax security, and now Kevin was sat on a cold bench in the middle of the tiny airport, swatting mosquitos and trying to cope with the sweltering weather.

After approximately forty minutes of desperate attempts at entertaining himself, Kevin heard what he’d been anticipating.

“Waiting for something?” a voice asked.

Whipping around, Kevin matched Connor’s voice to his face. He still wore his uniform and lulled around the same tiny hot pink suitcase that he’d taken on their mission.

Kevin smiled and stepped close to him, immediately embracing the boy in his arms, shocked at how natural it felt.

“Come with us,” Kevin began. “We’re all meeting back up; Chris, James, everybody.”

Connor shook his head, laughing. “I need to go back to New York and go to bed.”

Kevin joined in his laughing.

“You’ll call?” He asked, hopefully.

Connor grinned. “Assume that I’ve died if I don’t, I’m taking you to see Wicked the second that you step foot into the US.”

With a laugh, a wave, a promise, and a kiss on the forehead, Connor was gone.

Kevin stepped back and was hit with the realization that they’d been standing in the exact same spot as they had been when they’d broken up three years earlier.

Despite assumptions that this would destroy him, he grinned. This was the very definition of new beginnings.

Unlike three years earlier, Kevin walked away from that location with a smile plastered on his face and hope for his future with one Connor McKinley, knowing that he'll hear from him again.

For the first time in a long time, Kevin thought his heart was in one piece.

**Author's Note:**

> the book of mormon is my favourite musical of all time but this is the first fic i've written for it?  
please ignore the inaccuracies! i have no idea what i am doing!  
also i could totally imagine connor as a flight attendant?? just me??  
please please leave comments/kudos + let me know what you think!


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